In-Laws Problem in Marriage / Marital life
My mother-in-law always interferes in our personal matters`
My mother-in-law has ruined our married life`
My husband always listen to my mother-in-law, it appears I have no place in taking any important decision of my own life`
These are the common comments of daughter-in-laws we often hear. Even son, sometimes, unwillingly complains about his mother's dominating behavior which changes substantially after his marriage. This is really a critical situation for many newly married couples. The daughter-in-law, who is totally new member in her law's house, fails to collect enough courage to speak against the atrocities of her mother-in- law. Son, on the other hand, finds it very embarrassing to speak against his own mother in the presence of his wife and other family members. The couple has to bear it silently unless the situation becomes explosive. In such cases, the relations are adversely effected. In some case, the excess meddling of in-laws become the cause of divorce. In countries, where joint family system still persists, newly wed couples undergo pain and agony in their otherwise smooth life due to this meddling. Even marriage counselors admit that such issues need to be discussed and dealt with care.
Why mother-in-law interferes in her own sons` married life. Generally mother-in-law thinks that she has more right on her son life compared to his wife. She has brought him up right from the childhood. She has better understanding with his son and as such she can guide him in better way even after marriage. Some mothers are very dominating and force their children to lead their life in the manner she dictates. In such circumstances, son does not collect enough courage to speak against her mother. Even if he dares, her wife has to bear all the brunt.
Even if mother is careful in the childhood with her children, she fails to understand where to place herself after the marriage of her own children, particularly, after the marriage of son.
The situation becomes more serious in reverse case i.e. when mother interferes in her own daughters married life. This experience is also very common and yields more serious results.
Actually, this appears to be the conflict of rights. Mother wants to prove her right over her son and wife tries to prove her right more than her mother-in-law on her husband. Mother-in-law never regards her daughter-in-law as daughter and daughter-in-law do not wish to give the status of mother to her mother-in-law. She does not tolerate any kind of intervention in her married life. She wants to lead her own life in her own way.
It has been observed, that the wives think some sort of competition with their mothers-in-law. The level of competition is even bigger if the husband grew up to be very close to his mother. He may have the habit of always consulting his mother for most of the matters. Here wife feels hurt when some very personal matters are also being discussed by husband with his mother. She finds herself cheated.
Mother-in-law should know her imitations. Though she has the right to offer her guidance to newly wed but unnecessary meddling will create only problems. They should keep some distance and allow the married couple to under the world from their own perception.
On the other hand, wife feels pleasure in challenging her mother-in-law. This habit should be stopped. She has to adjust herself in the totally new environment of her husband's house. Gradually, she can understand the nature of every family member and can adjust herself accordingly. Her situation is totally different from that of mother-in-law. She is going to her mother-in-law's house to start a new life? So, it may take sometime to make the adjustments. In some family matters particularly relating to traditions she has to take advice from her mother-in-law. The best way is to keep distance. If that is not possible, mother-in-law should be expert to communicate with their children and should discard the habit of meddling. She should wait for the time when daughter-in-law herself moves first to seek her advice. Even if daughter-in-law is not expert in house hold chores; she should not be ill treated. Give daughter-in-law time to change herself. Some mother-in-laws are very tactful and handle the situation very carefully without creating any problem. They do not interfere in her son's married life and often visit him to maintain the relations.
Mothers have natural instinct to be possessive. If a wife keeps herself in the same situation, she can easily understand the nature of mother-in-law and find it easier to adjust herself and overcome the feeling of jealous with mother-in-law.
Yes, if situation is becoming more serious, the boundaries should be set and do not wait till that time when you have to let your husband choose between you and her mother.
Respect your in-laws. This is a tricky matter to maintain healthy relations. Parents want to be respected. This is their right because they are the parents of your husband.
Wifes, who criticize their in-laws, do not get due respect even in their own parental house. There her brother's wife may not like her presence for longer time. Wife should not offer her comments on the attitude of in-laws. It is better to keep mum and let the husband handle the situation. Rather she should show her concern on their health and other problems.
Age related health and other problems are to be faced by everyone. The children should not forget the fact that they would also age and also may require the attention of their own children in old age. Never forget this. If parents are financially weak, always help them in possible manner. This is the duty of children.
Horoscope can also indicate the relations with in-laws. In a horoscope, seventh house indicate the house of spouse. Fourth house from seventh i.e. tenth house belongs to mother-in-law. Nature of planets posited there may indicate the nature of mother-in-law. Likewise fourth house of a horoscope shows nature of father-in-law and ninth house, the nature of brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws.
In this way the relations with in-laws can be studies through a horoscope.
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